Register  |  FAQ  |  Search  |  Memberlist  |  Usergroups  |  Log in 
Reply to topic
 Broken (Cade Skywalker) [VIG] 
Trace
Global Moderator

Joined: 20 Jul 2007
Posts: 430
Location: Tennessee
Reply with quote
Title: Broken
Timeframe: Legacy era (130 yrs ABY)
Characters: Cade Skywalker, Deliah Blue
Genre: Vignette, angst, romance
Summary: Canon speculation of events in Legacy # 7.
Disclaimer: If I owned any part of this, especially Cade Skywalker, I wouldn’t be spending my free time writing fanfic. Wink







* * *



There’s one left.

I finger the vial in my pocket. One tube of liquid euphoria that will kill the pain. Kill the past and the future. Kill the Force.

I’d vowed never to pick up a lightsaber again, but I did today. In a kriffing moment of weakness, I surrendered to the pretentious anger and hatred that made me care. I had vowed not to care. Never to be hurt again by tragedy and loss.

Lost.

If you don’t care about anything, you can’t lose it.

The lightsaber hummed in my hand and I felt it – the power that runs through my veins and won’t leave me alone.

I don’t want it. The Force has brought nothing but despair to the Skywalker family. We are too close to it. The darkness calls too much.

Voices came with it. My childhood Masters…those who died on Ossus…my father’s voice…

His hurts the most.

I half-expect the spectral form of Luke Skywalker himself to appear over my shoulder. Again. Stang, he’d better not. I’ll kill myself just to erase that smug grin he must have had on his face when I called Princess Marasiah’s lightsaber to my hand.

Like a stoopa gullipud, I have exposed myself and my friends - Syn and Blue – they know now. What I am and what I was. Syn may profess loyalty, but he could easily betray me in his hatred for the Jedi. And Blue…

I almost smile. Only she would think of the scams we could run with a Jedi’s talent. Where is she now? I reach out with the Force. Down the corridor.

My head aches in my hands with the familiar pain that will throb for hours.

It’s almost as if you took her death into you.

Took her death into me. Maybe that’s how it works without the dark side.

And I didn’t touch the dark side. Not this time. I came close – even Master Sazen felt it – but I healed the Princess with nothing more than that damnable 'gift' that Luke won’t shut up about.

There’s a new pain. A nauseatingly deep ache that scalds and freezes my bones. I shudder against the icy burn, sweating and shivering in a cold corner of this foreign fortress.

How can it hurt so much, for someone who has no heart?

Master Sazen asked why I did it. I’d already told him why – no one dies for me. Ever again.

And she’d been lying there.

Struck down saving me when I should have been able to save myself. Struck down by a Sith. Like my father.

Just like my father.

I should never have left him there.

If only…

I stand, pushing myself against the wall, and finger the deathstick in my pocket. So, there’s only one. I can always get more. I’ll forget and I won’t feel.

How can someone who doesn’t feel hurt so bad?

I stagger to the doorway and into the corridor. I cannot stay here, on Bastion. Fel has offered his hospitality, but I’ll be in no one’s debt.

My feet take me to Blue’s room. I should tell her I’m leaving – should try to explain, but I can’t. She’s asleep, motionless in the royal, decadent bed and I stand still, watching her. She made enough creds from the return of Fel’s daughter that she won’t need me or my ship anymore.

She’s a good mechanic, one of the best. She’ll find another ship.

She opens her eyes and they flash in the semi-darkness.

“Cade?”

I don’t know what to say. I don’t even know why I’m here. I don’t know what to feel.

I don’t know how to feel.

She sits up, pulling the covers up to her bare shoulders, and reaches for my hand. I let her pull me down to the edge of the bed.

The light shines behind her hair, forming a blue halo.

“You all right?”

I’m not all right. I haven’t been all right for a long time and she knows it.

“You’re in pain.”

She pulls off my jacket and the deathstick falls from my pocket and she watches it roll across the floor. She says nothing. How many times has she found me passed out on the floor or sat over me during the horror or bliss of hallucinations? But she has never condemned me for living the filthy life of an addict.

Instead, she wraps the sheet around her chest and kneels behind me, massaging my neck and shoulders with her hands.

The deathstick has rolled under a table and glitters from across the room, shining brighter than the wine goblets on the table. If I use it, I don’t have to feel.

Her touch soothes my burning skin and…

…I want to feel it.

The desire for contact flares within me like a silent, seismic blast.

I want to feel.

How long has it been since I wanted anything but detachment? To forget the ache and dull the void.

I want to feel and I close my eyes as she pulls my shirt over my head, discarding it on the floor beside the bed.

“Rest here.”

The sheets are smooth against my face and chest as she kneels beside me, kneading the knotted and aching muscles in my back. I can’t remember the last time I…felt.

Her race is empathic. Can she feel me? I’ve never asked.

I turn over and her hair forms a curtain around her face as she looks down at me. With what? Desire?

Pity?

“I’m…it’s…” I reach for my chest. I don’t know what to say.

“Broken,” she whispers.

She can feel what I try to hide.

“Can’t fix it.” My voice sounds distant in my own ears. “Can’t heal myself.” I can bring people back from the dead, but I can't fix me.

She shakes her head, taking my hand into hers and lifting my fingers to her lips.

And I know now what it is that I want to feel.

My skin tingles in her hands and I want to touch her. To hold her. To feel her.

For someone heartless enough to turn a Jedi refugee over to the Imps, awareness strikes at the most inconvenient time. I did it. Even as he begged for mercy, I turned the Jedi in for the money and he’ll be killed…or worse.

I hear my father and he damns me from beyond the grave.

No one was colder than Cade, Syn’s voice echoes from nowhere.

He would know.

So does Deliah.

I pull away in disgust, sitting up to leave but she takes me by the shoulders and kisses me. The sheet falls away and her bare skin is pressed against mine, and she kisses me.

It feels good. She feels good.

When was the last time I felt good without a drug?

Falling back on the bed, she hovers over me again. Beautiful and unashamed. My friend who refused to abandon me in the fight today. She risked her own life and everyone else’s to save my sorry hide.

“I know you want this,” she whispers. There’s not point in denying the truth of her words.

“I can’t.” My voice cracks in my throat. “I can’t take -”

Not from her…

“You don’t take.” She kisses me again, slower, softer, harder. “I give.

She confesses what she has never tried to hide. “I want, too.”

My lips are dry and cracked and I wish they weren’t so rough when I embrace her, falling into her.

I feel.

Her hands are soft, touching me with tender caresses. Mine are rough and calloused, but she leans into them without reservation.

I feel.

I am not gentle. She deserves better, but this feeling – this torrent of emotion is an unfamiliar tide that pushes me against her in desperate, powerful waves.

I feel.

The warmth of her skin and the coldness of my soul. The dull ache in my chest and her sharp nails down my back.

I feel…and I am lost.

All over again, I am lost when she falls asleep in my arms and I am left with the lonely sounds of night.

Carefully disentangling from her, I get up and get dressed. She does not stir as I walk across the room and retrieve the deathstick, shoving it back in my pocket.

Her hair is splayed out over the crumpled sheets and I lean down, brushing my fingers over her cheek. She gave me what I needed, but I have nothing to give back.

I’ll leave her here.

Master Sazen and Shado can hitch a ride with me if they want. I owe them that for standing beside me in battle today and not abandoning me like I abandoned them, all those years ago.

I’ll leave her here and she will hate me. For not saying goodbye. For not bringing her with me.

She will hate me.


But no more than I hate myself.



-End-


Last edited by Trace on Wed Aug 01, 2007 10:27 pm; edited 1 time in total
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
  
JayCee
Site Admin

Joined: 17 Jul 2007
Posts: 573
Location: England, Midlands
Reply with quote
We've both fallen in love with Cade!! *sighs*

Just want to hold him and hug him and make him all better. Sad

_________________
Imperial at heart...
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
  
Trace
Global Moderator

Joined: 20 Jul 2007
Posts: 430
Location: Tennessee
Reply with quote
JayCee wrote:
We've both fallen in love with Cade!! *sighs*

Just want to hold him and hug him and make him all better. Sad


I know! I have such a crush on that hawt grouchy mess. Embarassed Wink Have you ever heard the song Runaway Train by Soul Asylum? It's become my theme song for Cade. (And kinda fits this fic, lol.)

And the cover of the upcoming issue # 15 is traumatizing me. I don't give a crap who Darth Krayt is, but he'd better not hurt our baby! Evil or Very Mad

~T
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
  
Blue_but_beautiful


Joined: 01 Aug 2007
Posts: 86
Location: UK
Reply with quote
wow I abseloutely love how you write Cade! Really heart string pulling vig this!

How can it hurt so much, for someone who has no heart?

Master Sazen asked why I did it. I’d already told him why – no one dies for me. Ever again.

And she’d been lying there.

Struck down saving me when I should have been able to save myself. Struck down by a Sith. Like my father.

Just like my father.


This really stuck out for me, so angsty! great work! Smile

_________________
"You can run, but you'll only die tired."
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger
  
JayCee
Site Admin

Joined: 17 Jul 2007
Posts: 573
Location: England, Midlands
Reply with quote
I think I know which song you're talking about... and yeah... that fits!

That was a bit ominous in the last comic.. but then that just means that it won't happen cause the comic people are smarter about these kinds of things... Wink

_________________
Imperial at heart...
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
All times are GMT  
Page 1 of 1  

  
  
 Reply to topic